Monday, August 15, 2011

Dreams and other things

Since I moved into my new apartment with my roommate I have been learning how to balance my spiritual life with real life.  This summer I lived alone and was able to focus solely on my spiritual life.  I would go to work and then come home and do spiritual reading, prayer, mass.  Now that I am living with someone who wants my attention and wants to talk I am having trouble spending time alone and therefore having time to pray and meditate and pray.  However the past week I have been spending time reading and praying and being alone.  I feel much better now that I am working on my relationship with God, writing and going to adoration.  I feel so much more relaxed and calm and serene.  Now if I can only meet with my spiritual director I will be back in balance.  Since restarting all this my prayer life has come back to where it was.  With all the favors that I do not begin to deserve and all the intensity.  I had miss that closeness, that intimate relationship.  I cannot truly live without it.  I am ready to die to the world and go to my halfway house, my earthly home.  I am ready to be with my beloved.  To die to the world so that I may rise again and live in Christ.  How I long for my lover.  I long to be with Him day and night, to never leave Him, to always be with Him.  Oh how I hope that I am not long for the secular world.  I feel more and more distant from it every day.  The things that matter to my friends and family do not matter to me.  I do not care about material things.  I care about the state of people's souls, not the outsides.

Today I came home from work and I read and then I prayed and I fell asleep praying.  I had a dream.  I woke up calm and relaxed from it.  I dreamed that I was at the Dominican priory for mass with a friend of mine.  After mass I was praying the rosary and he was waiting for me.  The next thing I knew I was collapsed on the floor and there was blood.  Then he was carrying me to a room in the priory and two of the Dominican priests I know were leading us.  I was begging to go back to the chapel because all I wanted was to be with Christ and see Him on the cross.  He laid me in the bed and I looked at my hands and there were the wounds of Christ.  I begged and pleaded to be taken back to the chapel so I could be with Christ.  The wounds burned and there was this wonderful smell.  I tried to get up but I was too weak.  Then I woke up.  My hands were red and burning where the wounds would have been and in the same shape as the wounds.  I vaguely remember work and everything seems a blur and I cannot care about anything but being with Christ.


Thomas Catherine

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